Anthony Catalano via Compfight
I admit it. The more I learn, the more I realize two things:
1. I haven’t got a clue.
2. Not having a clue is much less stressful than having the answers.
When I was a young executive in the entertainment industry, I pretended I knew a lot. I “acted as if” I had the answers and often guessed right.
When I wasn’t right, I panicked.
I berated myself. I apologized. I covered up. I agonized. I was embarrassed. I vowed to try harder – to know more. To have all the answers.
Does this sound anything like you when you were just starting out as a young adult?
Like a toddler mimicking an older sibling, I eventually learned to use a fork without spilling on myself – in other words, I could make it through an entire production without making a mistake. But to be honest, what I got good at was hiding the fact that I was “spilling on the carpet” every day.
And then like you, I became a mother.
Another learning curve. Another opportunity to know a bunch of stuff. Another opportunity to spill on the carpet daily.
In the beginning, we read a lot of books.
We ask questions of experts and mothers who we admire and respect. Like a child gathering candy under a broken piñata, we scoop up information like it’s our last chance to learn all that we will need for a lifetime of mothering.
And then we realize something. Our children are unique.
Sure, some of the situations you find yourself dealing with, are similar to something your friend went through last year. But, there is only one combo of you, your child and your life circumstances.
You are making this up as you go along, aren’t you?
The decisions we make for our children are based on our experiences, our comfort levels, their needs and wants, our life circumstances, what we know, what we don’t know and so much more.
There are no “right” answers and there doesn’t seem to be a “right” way to do any of this.
It can be so daunting. How are we supposed to know what to do?
I’ve been a mother for 19 years and with each passing year, I realize that the best decisions I have ever made were made from intuition fed by knowledge – not knowledge alone.
Letting go of knowing the answers and being the expert, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself (and your children).
Sure, you know a lot. That will never change. But if not knowing, is just as o.k. with us as having all the answers – we’ve got more fun in our future and less worry over “spilling on the carpet.”
Coach Me Quick Tips for Not Having a Clue:
1. Trust: Adopt the perspective that you are always making the best decision based on the information you have in that moment.
2. Free Yourself: Let go of looking like you have it all figured out. It’s exhausting.
3. Tell the Truth: If you don’t know what to do or which decision is best, admit it.
4. Embrace Flexibility: Remember that most decisions can be changed or modified and be willing to make a change if you feel you need to.
5. Enlist Your Child’s Help: When appropriate, ask your child what he or she thinks or wants and take it into consideration.
6. Intuit and Do It: Trust your gut. It’s usually correct.
Blissfully unaware in L.A.
Jamee