Working Mom Quilt“Mom-guilt” is the phrase of the day.

Moms seem to be slinking through life with more guilt than the guy who thought “New Coke” was a good idea.

C’mon ladies, did you cause the collapse of Enron or dabble in Water Boarding as a child?  If not, I’d say it’s time to lighten up.

And what are we feeling so guilty about, pray tell?

*  Working outside the home or working inside the home?

*  Not having psychic abilities when it comes to your child’s needs?

*  Being too rigid or being too relaxed?   There is no in-between.

If your kids are too fat, short, thin, tall, shy or obnoxious?

*  If your children are engaged in lots of activities or not?

*  Not noticing that your child has allergies or a minor speech impediment?  And what 5 year old does not sound like a cartoon character?

*  Rushing to the doctor for every nosebleed, or mistaking a broken arm for a pulled muscle (I know someone who did this – and she’s a terrific mother, by the way)

*  Wishing you could get a break from your children?  Join the club.

What is this about?   I know that when we become a mother we are anointed with special powers – but this is going a bit too far, isn’t it?

It makes me wonder about the purpose of guilt.

Where does it get us?  Even in a situation  where someone does something truly terrible, it doesn’t help.  It’s simply a self-absorbed diversion between doing something terrible and taking action to fix it.

And if we as mothers are simply doing our best, but feeling guilty for falling short of our own ideal, then it truly has no benefit at all.

Guilt makes things worse, not better.

Guilt may be a habit that we fall into when we know something isn’t right, but we can’t put our finger on it.  What if instead of feeling guilty, we took a good look at what we feel isn’t working and fix it?

After all, we are great at fixing things.  That’s where those “special powers” do come in.

To paraphrase one of my favorite songs from the revolutionary ‘60’s;

“Guilt (huh-yea) what is it good for?  Absolutely Nothing”

Let’s change this before we start feeling guilty about something else!

Coach Me Quick Tips for Dropping Guilt:

1.    What is one thing you feel guilty about? 

Be specific.  For example “I’m guilty because I don’t spend enough time with my kids” doesn’t get you anywhere.  However, “I’m guilty because the entire weekend went by and I never got to sit down with my daughter and read a book or play a game,” is tangible.  You can’t fix the first one, but you can fix the second one.

2.    Ask yourself if you feel guilty because you actually think you should be doing something different OR, because you feel other people are judging you? 

If you feel guilty because of what others may be thinking, drop it.  Other people are not thinking about you – they are thinking about themselves and wondering what you think of them.

3.    When you feel guilty find an action you can take to turn the situation around. 

For example; “I’m guilty because I’m not making dinners from scratch every night,”  can be changed to “I’m going to add one more dinner each week that I make from scratch by planning it ahead of time and asking my partner and children to pitch in and help.”

Getting “take-out” and feeling great about it in LA,

Jamee

Photo credit:http://www.flickr.com/photos/89093669@N00/1539310652/

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