I’m not advising you to share all your secrets, of course.
The fact that when they are at school, you sometimes finish off the Ben & Jerry’s instead of having a healthy lunch, could be left unsaid.
And you probably don’t need to let them know that occasionally when you tell them “everything will be ok,” you are not 100% sure.
I’m talking about your secret strategies that help you get through the day to day challenges of life.
Those strategies that you have developed out of necessity.
The trick about how to help yourself fall back to sleep when your mind is too busy with anxious thoughts.
Or the tip about remembering someone’s name at a party.
And although you cannot save your children from going through their own challenges (nor would you want to!) you can certainly give them a couple of tips to help make their road easier.
Case in point: As a young girl my mother taught me to “Stop Thought.”
I remember that I was about 6 and afraid of the “man” under the bed. You too? No surprise. That guy gets around.
Each night I would leap into bed from my doorway and stay there until the morning sun would come to rescue me. My mother told me there was no one under my bed – that I was safe. She left the light on. She gave me a new Teddy Bear. Nothing worked.
And then one night she taught me a new strategy.
She taught me to close my eyes and see the thought that was scaring me and yell (inside my head) STOP! STOP! STOP!
A little weird, right? But, it worked.
What if she had thought it was too weird to share with a 6 year old?
We all have little tricks that we use and tips we have learned. But, sometimes we don’t share them with other people, because our strategies may seem a little “weird.”
What are your weird tips and tricks?
How do you calm yourself down? How do you manage yourself in uncomfortable social situations? What do you tell yourself when you feel scared?
Pearls of wisdom? You bet. This is the stuff that gets handed down generation to generation.
My grandfather once told me that he had been afraid of something as a little boy. The idea that my grandfather could be scared of anything, blew me away. I never forgot that story he told me. Knowing that piece of his history, helped me.
So let’s hear your secrets. They are probably not as weird, as they are useful.
Coach Me Quick Tips for Sharing Secrets with Your Children:
1. Sometimes we are completely unaware of our strategies. Take the time to notice how you deal with strategies and write them down.
2. Listen to your children when they share challenges and concerns. Put yourself in their little shoes. What would you do?
3. If your parents and grandparents are still alive, ask them to share their pearls with you. Ask them how they have dealt with jealousy or regret. Ask them what works.
Sharing secrets in L.A. ,