As a mother.. are you afraid?
I recently noticed that I live with a low grade sense of fear about many things related to my children. And, I noticed that there is a mom culture that supports the anxiety.
We are afraid that our children will talk to strangers or get hurt on the playground. We worry that our children are eating too much sugar, trans-fats, fast-food, wheat and dairy.
Maybe they don’t get enough vitamins and vegetables? We’re sure they are watching too much T.V. What about schools? Are they getting into the right ones? Are they learning enough? Are they excelling or are we pushing them too hard? And if all that isn’t enough, what about addiction, drinking and over-sexualization?
I don’t know about you, but I’m a nervous wreck just making this list!
I recently noticed that some mothers carry this fear and concern as a badge of honor. If we are worried about our kids, it means we care, we are intelligent, we are resourceful. We discuss solutions and we fret with each twist and turn of our child’s experiences.
But, is it helpful and empowering to live in this framework?
Clearly we care for our kids, but if we are afraid of our child’s world and feel we need to protect them at every turn, are we actually creating an environment in which all we can see is danger? If we expect a world that doesn’t nurture our children, are we creating that too?
What do I mean by “creating?” I mean that we see what we are looking for in life and if we are looking for a world that is scary, we will find plenty of things to be afraid of.
Plus, we are not the only people affected. All this fear is creating anxiety in us, but it creates anxiety in our children too.
They absorb so much from us – even if we are not talking about our concerns.. we are letting them know through our warnings and the things we won’t let them do, that there is so much about life that we don’t trust.
So what is the middle ground?
There is no question that we are responsible for the health and well-being of our children. We need to take action and protect them when appropriate. We need to teach them how to be safe and what the pitfalls in life are, so that they can avoid them. I even agree that a bit of over-protection at times, makes sense.
But, when our fear and anxiety becomes a habit – when it becomes a way of socializing with the other parents, then maybe instead of being responsible parents, we are simply putting up as many walls as we possibly can with the resources we have.
We all have to make our decisions based on what we know is right for us and our children.
I’m going to try something new today – I am going to focus on the areas in which I am not worried about my kids – where I know that they are thriving and happy.
It puts a smile on my face just to think about it.