It’s Valentine’s Day – Don’t Hold Back!

by Jamee

I admit to being a little reserved at times. Blame it on nature or nurture, at this point in my life, I have to take full responsibility. It’s often much easier for me to keep my mouth shut, than to take the risk of saying something before it is very well thought out. But this Valentine’s Day I plan to give my internal editor a bit of a vacation.

How about you? Have you ever found yourself at a party, with something funny to contribute to the conversation, only to have it get stopped by the “consideration police” who have set up an impromptu checkpoint between your brain and tongue? By the time you prove the worth of your joke and get waved on through by the friendly officer, the subject has changed and you’ve missed the last 5 minutes of the conversation.

How about at the office? Have you ever sat around a conference table with your co-workers, knowing that you are expected to make a meaningful contribution, but so locked in thoughts about what to say and when to speak, the meeting ended without the benefit of your brilliance?

What are we afraid of? We might offend someone. We might sound stupid. They may not like us. What do you tell your children when they experience similar concerns with friends? Believe me, I’m not advocating the spilling of ALL the beans. Some things are better left unsaid. But chances are, if you are someone who errs on the side of staying quiet, you are not likely to offend people left and right if you loosen the reins a bit.

So how would it be to trust yourself more on this Valentine’s Day? The gift is to love yourself enough to speak your mind, share your intuition and maybe spill your guts. That sounds even better than chocolate, right?
O.k., it doesn’t sounds better than chocolate – but a close second?

Coach Me Quick Tips for Not Holding Back:
1. Start with humor. The next time you think of something funny.. put it out there. The worst thing that happens is that people don’t laugh. The best thing that happens is that you begin to break down that wall of silence inside you.
2. Tell your good friends that you are working on minimizing the editor in your head. Let them cheer you on as you take more and more chances.
3. Identify someone in your workplace that always seems to know what to say. How can you model this person’s behavior?
4. Remember that you have value to contribute. Don’t hold back!

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The Age of Reason (when is that, again?)

by Jamee

Does this sound familiar?

In addition to showing up at work, doing a fantastic job, keeping hearth and home moving along with enthusiasm and brilliance (and looking great all the while,) you maintain a second career as social secretary to your children.

This is the reality of many working moms and for the most part, all is well.

We handle it with grace and flexibility.

And then, there are times when our child throws another ball into the collection that we are juggling, and we must say no in order to maintain our sanity and the equilibrium of the family.

For the most part, my “no’s” are met with acceptance.  But there are times when my “no” is met with a litany of complaints, whining, pleas and begging.  You would think that I was denying my little darling food and shelter based on the severity of the emotion employed and guilt attempted.

When this happens, it takes everything I have to remain reasonable.   I manage to say things like “I know it is disappointing honey, but we can’t go,” or, “hmmm, I wonder if we could make a plan to do that at some other time in the future?”

But inside I am thinking “How ungrateful!

Doesn’t he know that I arranged 3 play dates, purchased the Chanukah gift he has been wishing for and signed him up for softball this morning?  How is it possible that he would be so unreasonable now just because I am saying no?”

A profound sense of disappointment comes over me.  I feel unappreciated.  There is a part of me that wants him to know all that I do for him each and every day.  Now who is being unreasonable?

It is in those moments that I realize I am stretching myself too thin.

Everything I do for my children is done because I adore them and I want them to be happy, well taken care of and healthy.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

If my child is upset because I say no, it is not an indictment of my mothering skills.  He is not telling me that he doesn’t appreciate me.  He is simply reacting to his own disappointment in the moment.    If I am taking care of myself, then I can calmly care for him.

Do we expect our children to appreciate what we do for them?

Absolutely! Just as we expect them to appreciate their world, all that they have been given and the opportunities ahead.

And you know what?

They learn the art of appreciation from watching us.  If you are appreciating your world and taking care of yourself, the rest will follow.   Doesn’t that sound reasonable?

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Ready, Set, Launch

by Jamee

I have a child who is going off to college next year.  The first of my three to reach this point in life.  I am mindful of my role as a support system during this time, but also that I have a responsibility to be doling out opportunities for her to self manage and possibly [...]

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What is your wish for 2012?

by Jamee

I’ve got a great idea and I think you might like it too.  How about instead of resolutions, we make some wishes this year?  Doesn’t that sound like more fun than resolutions?  Let’s face it, resolutions sound like work.  A good list of resolutions calls for a nose to the grindstone – roll up your [...]

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I Did It All By Myself!

by Jamee

Kids are so great at acknowledging themselves for little wins and small successes.  We teach them this at an early age by congratulating them for small steps, first smiles, rolling over and sitting up.  In turn they congratulate themselves early and often: “I went to the potty by myself!,” “I tied my shoe-laces,” “I cleaned [...]

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