Please Stop Me, Before I Do It Again!

No matter what I say or do.  No matter how I convince you that I have the time.  Even if I am stone cold sober and appear to have my wits about me – PLEASE don’t let me volunteer for one more bake sale, committee chair or leadership position until I have successfully completed the list of obligations I already have.

I know you can relate.  My coaching practice is filled with women who over-volunteer.

Let’s face it, you are blessed to have the abilities required to run a fundraiser, organize the annual school pumpkin festival and lead every Parent Education night.  But you know as well as I do ladies, that if you try to do all that at once, there will be a cost to your well-being, your work and your family.

When summer is drawing to a close and the school year is about to start, we can be lulled into the dual fantasies of  “plenty of time”  and “happy to do it!”  Like a drunken Elf on Christmas Eve after sending Santa on his way, we may start the year out with very high hopes.

We happily commit to wrap 50,000 gifts by next December.  But when March rolls around and we still have 48,367 gifts to go, we will be blowing our little caps, cursing under our elfin breath and tripping over our curly toes!

What are the tell tale signs that you may be over-volunteering?:

1. You empathize with the Elf in my Metaphor.

2.  Your spouse is surprised to see you relaxed – ever.

3.  You send lots of emails between 3 and 4am.

4.  The principal offers to make you your own set of keys to the school.

5.  You have more evening meetings than you have evenings at home.

6.  You haven’t exercised, meditated, napped or read a book in over a month.

7.  You find yourself taking on tasks because it’s “easier” than finding someone else to do it.  (it’s never easier in the long run.)

8.  Your family begins to treat you like an unstable fire cracker.

Why do we volunteer? 

We want to help out, of course.  We want to raise money for our school because we know that benefits our children and the community at large.  We value volunteerism and we live our values.  We want to set a good example for the kids.  It’s all good.

But what will happen if no one volunteers to organize the annual Spring Potluck?  Not much.  If anyone really misses it, they will take up the mantle next year.  And if no one misses it, then what was it all about anyway?

I speak from experience.  I too have raised my hand one too many times and found myself up all night pricing items for the Silent Auction and bent over all day clearing weeds from the school garden.

So what is the answer? 

My answer has been to practice moderation when it comes to volunteering.  What is your answer?  How can you find that perfect balance between giving back and having time for yourself too?

Coach Me Quick Tips for Moderate Volunteerism:

1.  Ask your children which volunteer efforts are most important to them and focus your time on those events and activities first.

2.  Take on activities that you do best.  Let the crafty mom do the holiday art project if you are better at organizing the staff appreciation lunch.

3.  Find ways to volunteer that include your children so that you can spend time with them while you make a difference for everyone.

4.  Practice saying “no.”

5.  The next time you have the opportunity to volunteer, give yourself 48 hours to think about it before you commit.

6.  Get a reality check from your family and friends.  Are you doing enough?  Are you doing too much?

7.  Acknowledge yourself for the difference you make each and every day.

Practicing moderation,

Jamee