You walk in the elevator and everyone is looking at you.  On a good day you might ignore it.  On a busy day, you might not even notice.  But on a day when you are late for a meeting, wondering why you chose to wear those shoes, arguing with your spouse and counting the hours until you can crawl back into bed… you probably care what your elevator-mates think.  

Why?

When we are already feeling depleted, worried or insecure, we often look to others to fill in the gaps.  And even as I write that sentence I can hear you knowingly shaking your head.  Yeah.

Trying to get validation from others is not a great strategy.

Here’s why;  they are also in their own “the boss is mad at me, pants are too tight, dog ate my homework, bad hair day” swirl of self talk.

And if they’re not in their own swirl, they may be focusing on you.  But they are focusing on you from their perspective.  A perspective that has zero to do with you.  Nothing.

Sure they may think you are beautiful, wonder why you chose that skirt or try to imagine what you do for a living.  But so what?  Remember that one of the truest things ever said was “what others may think of you is none of your business.”

So that leaves you with just one alternative.  Validate your own darn self!

How can you provide your own self confidence?

The truth is that no one is better suited to make you feel great about you, than you!  And if you only have an elevator ride to change the dynamics of how you feel, the quicker you focus in, the faster you will get there.  After all, why let a bad morning kill your entire day?

And just in case you are skeptical, here’s some incentive.  If you are managing a team, there is nothing that will suck the air out of the room faster than a boss that is stuck in a bad morning, all day long.   And that air sucking translates to less productivity.

Here are some easy solutions:

1.  Acknowledge the bad start.  It happens.  Don’t resist it – just acknowledge it and move on.
2. Make a mental list of what is working well.  It’s a beautiful day.  Your child gave you a loving hug good bye.  You are healthy.  You slept in a cozy bed.  While you question your shoes, you definitely have the right skirt.  yes – you and your spouse are arguing, but for the most part you have a great partnership.  And so on.
3. Find a phrase that is your “go to” phrase.  Anytime you notice thoughts that don’t support you or strip your self confidence, repeat your go to phrase.  It might be “I’m always lucky,” “life works out for me,” “I’m in the right place at the right time” or “I’m blessed.”  Whatever resonates with you.  Have it there in your mind to whip out when you notice thoughts that make you feel bad about yourself.

You can change a bad morning to a fantastic day in the time it takes to ride the elevator.  It’s a shift, not an overhaul.  And notice the difference it makes as you work with colleagues.

I would love to hear from you!  Give it a try and let me know what works.  What is your special phrase?  Leave a comment and let me know.

To you and your wonderful days!

Watching the sunset at the beach in L.A.

Jamee

Photo credit: Evan Didier via Compfight