What would people think if they found out you look forward to jumping in the car or hopping on the subway Monday mornings to head off to the job you love even though it means giving up time with your children?
What would people say if they learned that you relish the opportunity to sit at your desk and work without interruption, enjoy going out to lunch with colleagues and are not consumed with thoughts of your children every minute of the day?
How would you feel if you learned that you are not alone? Women all around the world are blissfully happy at work and blissfully happy to return home at the end of a productive and rewarding day, to the children they adore.
But that may not be all you have in common.
If you feel a little guilty about how much you love your job, you are in great company.
Lots of working mothers feel going to work is only acceptable if they have “mixed feelings” about working. In other words, lean in ladies but don’t fall over into the abyss of total job satisfaction. If you do that, we might question your commitment to your family.
Where does this pressure come from?
Sure there is a cultural conversation out there about working mothers – and whether it is possible to find balance or “have it all” without jeopardizing our family’s happiness, but we have a choice about whether to join that particular conversation.
And it is a choice we might consider because in some cases, joining the conversation means giving up our ability to create a life dictated by our own needs and the unique needs of our families. What’s the point?
Maybe we could just slip out of this conversation the way we might slip out of the office Christmas Party before they start passing the Jello shots? Getting out before your colleagues begin to take turns under the mistletoe is not only good office politics, but you will thank yourself in the morning!
And once you step outside into the fresh night air, you have an even better choice. You have the choice to change the conversation – to mold it to your own needs and the needs of the people you love.
Now that’s a conversation worth starting!
Coach Me Quick Tips for Changing the Conversation:
- Identify some of the things you love about your job and share them with friends and family.
- Identify the ways in which your job benefits your family in addition to the finances.
- Notice which thoughts trigger feelings of guilt. Sometimes these trigger thoughts are like grooves in a record. You are in the habit of feeling guilty when you think a particular thought, because that is the groove that has been worn into your brain.
- Change the groove. When you have a trigger thought, reply with a positive statement. For example, the trigger thought could be “I hope I get chosen to travel to London to close the deal.” The guilt thought that triggers might be “I shouldn’t be excited about that because it means being away from my family for 3 days.” The replacement thought might be “Being chosen is a sign of how valued I am at this company.”
- Identify the ways in which your family gets their needs met while you are working. If you hire a babysitter or nanny, do the leg work to hire someone you want your children to spend time with – someone you feel enriches their experience of the world.
- If you have a partner or spouse, get them on board as you shift from feeling guilty about your work to feeling excited.
Remember that you are in charge of which conversations you are having. Make them empowering ones!
Loving my job in L.A.,
Jamee
Photo credit: Bureau of IIP via Compfight