You can still be a good mommy and not spend every free moment with your children.

You know that voice in your head (it’s talking to you right now) that tells you to sit on the floor and play with your children, when you really want to put your feet up and play a few rounds of “Words with Friends”?  It’s the same voice that admonishes you for lingering at the office chatting with a colleague for 15 minutes instead of rushing out the door at 6:00pm.

That voice is not really interested in your children at all.  That voice is there for one reason only – to make you doubt yourself.  In fact, that voice gets in the way of you having the experience you want with your kids, every day.

What if you could quiet that voice?

What if the voice filled with a litany of “should” statements, was replaced by your true mom voice?  What would she say to you?  Where would she put her priorities?  She might leave the office at 6:00pm or sit on the floor and play with her children, but it would be something she is choosing – not something she “should” do.

Talk to anyone who was raised in the 50’s by a woman who stayed home with her kids, and they will tell you that she did not spend all her downtime with her children.  She read a book, had lunch with a friend and chatted on the phone.  Just as you do, those women worked hard both inside the house to take care of their families and outside the house by being an important part of their communities.

When they found a few minutes to themselves, they might have spent it building a fort with their children, but it’s also possible they sent their children outside to play so they could have a few minutes of peace and quiet.

In fact, sometimes that best thing you can do for your children is to give yourself some peace and quiet.  What good is it for your children to be with you if you are distracted and stressed out?  If locking yourself in the bathroom for 20 minutes with the latest Vanity Fair will help you take a deep breath, do it!  Believe me, your children will thank you in the long run.

So the next time you are faced with downtime, see if you can quiet that voice and make a choice based on you, your children and the current set of circumstances.  It may be that foregoing that office chat makes way for the fun of being home for bath time.  Is that a favorite activity for you and your child?  Then do everything you can to leave the office by 6:00pm knowing that you are rushing home by choice.

But if having a quick chat with some friends at the office will give you the decompression time you need after a long day, do it.  You may miss the bath tonight but the “you” that will read that bed time story, is the absolute BEST you.

Coach Me Quick Tips for Taking Downtime:

1. Listen for that “should” voice when making a decision about downtime.  If you hear it, investigate.  Ask a few questions before deciding if the voice has your best interest at heart.
2. Incorporate some downtime into each day.  This way you will not find yourself “running on empty.”  You may have to explain the concept to the kids by telling them “mom has 20 minutes of alone time right when she gets home from work, then she is all yours!”
3. Notice the activities that you do with your child, that seem to fill them with joy.  Make those your priority too.
4. Be flexible.  Circumstances change daily for you and your children.  Just because bath time is important this week, doesn’t mean it will be next week.  Don’t let the “should” voice talk you into something that isn’t true anymore.

You are the expert at mothering your own children.  That means you have the responsibility, but it also means; “mother does know best.”

Downtiming it in L.A.,

Jamee

Photo credit:  MipsyRetro via Compfight