It’s great to be home with your children, but is it relaxing?

Taking a family vacation might be fun, but does it restore your energy?

Chatting with your best friend may keep you laughing, but does it refresh you?

Remember that Dan Hicks song: “How Can I Miss You, When You Won’t Go Away?”  There is something to that.

We need time alone and away from input, conversation and responsibility.

The other day a client was sharing with me that she had found herself alone in the house for the first time in years.  She just had one hour in the house before her kids were dropped off by a friend but in that one hour, she gained a kind of peace she didn’t know she was missing.  She reveled in that peace.  She puttered.  She even took a bath with the bathroom door open.

How is it possible that she is never alone?

She is at the office with colleagues each day.  In the evenings she is with her family.  On the weekends, even if one of her three children is gone at a party or sleepover, there are still two in the house.  Occasionally, she attends an evening work function or goes out for drinks with her friends, but she is still in the company of friends, colleagues and family, 24/7.

Her happy accidental solitude resulted in a true “aha” moment.

She realized that she needed time alone.  She needed to be alone in the house or to go out to a café or to the beach by herself.  There was a certain kind of restorative power to solitude that she needed in order to feel refreshed.  She resolved to include solitude in each week, if even for one hour.

Would you like a little alone time too?

You might feel selfish for wanting to be alone.  After all, if you have time to be alone, wouldn’t that time be better spent with your partner or children?

You might be worried about hurting people’s feelings.  What will the people you love most in the world think, if you ask for some alone time?

Ladies; it’s time to do your best Greta Garbo impression and let people know you “vant to be alone!”

Coach Me Quick Tips for Getting Some Alone Time:

1. No need for guilt.  Let your family know about your new “time alone” project.  The purpose is to be more centered and happy.  All of that benefits your family.  If you explain it, they will more readily accommodate your requests.
2. You can be alone in your own house!  Let your family know that you are going to be in the bedroom or tub or in the backyard for an hour.   If they disturb you, the hour starts over again – simple as that.  Protect that time – you are worth it.
3. Go out by yourself!  After we have children, we don’t think about going out by ourselves as much.  Take a book to a local bar or restaurant.  Sit down with a glass of wine and enjoy your solitude.
4. It can be hard to be alone when we are engaged with people on our phones or computers.  If you agree, make your alone time a no-technology zone.
5. Reward your family with hugs, kisses and accolades when they give you alone time.  It may be a bit of a sacrifice for them to not have you available 24/7.  They should be acknowledged for their grace under pressure!

Alone again, naturally, (in L.A.)

Jamee

Photo credit: Miguel Soll via Compfight