One of the hardest times to get happy, is when you are not happy.

Looking out through your unhappy windows at the unhappy outside, with your long list of unhappy to-dos is not really the time to work on happiness.

The time to work on happiness is when you have some happiness to work with!

But the truth is we don’t really think about creating happiness until we stop feeling it – human nature, I suppose.

So, let’s roll up the sleeves and dig in here – happy or not.  And let’s see if we can create more happiness.

1.  Throw a mini-pity party.

I know, I know.  This is not a popular idea in this boot strapping, “I can do it,” “Don’t worry about me,” world.  But before you can move to more happiness, you are going to need to acknowledge that you feel terrible right now.

Take an afternoon and dwell in it.  Think about how it feels physically, emotionally and mentally, to be so unhappy.  Write it all down.  Cry in your soup. Hide under the covers.  Get mad at yourself and everyone else.  Be grumpy and annoyed.

Your unhappiness feels like a bottomless pit, but it is not.  There is a bottom.  See if you can get to the bottom in a limited amount of time.  Once the party is over, move on.  You may have to throw another pity party later in the week, but now it is time for step 2.

2.  Start building a happiness path.

Imagine a path that is leading through the woods, up a mountain or along a beach. Imagine that you have no idea where it is leading.  Put on some comfortable walking shoes and get started down the path.

3.  Find those treasures.

Realize that since you have never been along this path – you are bound to find amazing treasures along the way – those are moments of happiness.  If you are a visual person, you might even draw a path for yourself, and as you find each treasure – add it to the path.

You can also make a list of the treasures on paper, in your journal or on your phone.  Keep track of the moments of happiness that do show up.  They may be fleeting, but they are important.  You can build on those moments.

4.  Stop and reflect.

Take the time daily to review the treasures you have found.  Take time to notice if there are any patterns.  Do you find more moments of happiness when you are alone, with your children or at a particular time of day?

What triggers those moments?  Keep track of that too and see if you can intentionally repeat those scenarios that create happiness.

5.  Notice the boulders that pop up along your path that act as obstructions to happiness.

Are there patterns there too?  Do you get a stomach ache when certain people are around?  Do you notice feeling scared or stuck when you face a particular situation?

What can you eliminate?  How can you enlist help for the boulders that cannot be eliminated?  Notice the ways that you can change how you are dealing with these boulders.

6.  What do you want to see along your path?

Identify some people, experiences and goals that you would like to see show up along your path.  Make sure that anything you are focusing on is something that fills you with happiness when you think about it.

Begin to notice (in your minds eye) these positive elements of your path.  How can you fill your path with more of these people, experiences and goals?

7.  Stay alert!

There are times in life when we can coast – when things are going well and we are comfortable and happy.  But when we are in crisis, we need to take action and stay conscious.  Hoping that things will change without concrete action is like sitting down in the middle of the path and still expecting to get somewhere.

So keep walking!!  The only thing that can keep you from getting to your happiness, is if you stop.  And remember that you are not alone and this path will not go on forever.

Finding treasures in L.A.

Jamee

 Photo credit: RavenFire via Compfight