Lots of women have jobs that require them to travel on a regular basis. And in addition to standard business traveling issues, working moms also deal with tearful goodbyes, mournful phone messages and (let’s not forget) requests for presents upon return.
In addition, they typically deal with arranging for scheduling and logistics to be covered at home, while they are gone – lunches get made, kids get to and from school, cuts get bandaged, homework gets done and dinner gets eaten.
There are a two ways that I have found, to handle business travel challenges; “Micromanagement” and “They’ll Figure It Out.”
Method one finds us micromanaging every moment; leaving lengthy notes for husbands and babysitters to follow.
When I use this method and the day of my departure finally comes, I am usually so wrung out from my organization frenzy, I fall into my airplane seat with exhaustion and relief.
Method two is the “They’ll Figure It Out” scenario; in this one, we leave our children with capable people who are smart enough to figure it out.
The children manage to get fed (it could be Doritos) and wind up where they are supposed to go (may not be on time,) get some sleep (they will go to bed late, count on it) and get regular baths (if “regular” is once per week,) but let’s face it; there are more important things in life than strict adherence to rules all the time. This method allows the kids to have a bit of vacation while you are gone on business.
The bottom line is that neither method handles the source of the issue; that gnawing feeling that no matter what the traveling mom does, her children’s needs won’t get met while she is gone. It is my feeling that we can tackle this one too.
Coach Me Quick tips for the traveling mom:
1. Don’t allow your children to get in the habit of complaining about your business travel in a general sense.
Ask them to be specific about their complaints. Do they miss being tucked in or their bedtime story? Do they miss the pasta you make on Wednesdays? Do they miss being able to call you anytime? Ask them to focus on what is missing so that they can get very clear about it.
This does two things: It allows them to clearly identify what is bothering them and name it. Usually, by doing this, they are bothered less. Also, clarity is the first step to solutions. We want our kids to be empowered to identify their problems and solve them, with our help if needed.
2. Once you and your child have figured out what bothers them, brainstorm about solutions.
Maybe there is a way that you can give them what they need from the road, or they can get it from someone else, or you can make up for it when you get home?
The brainstorming should be coming from them, with some help from you. The only solutions that will really make a difference are the ones they come up with. If they refuse to brainstorm, that’s ok. But, let them know you are happy to talk with them about solutions when they are ready. In the meantime, no complaining.
3. Here’s the important part. This is not all about your kids and how they feel.
Take some time to identify your feelings. What are some things you can do for yourself to feel better about business travel? What is the opportunity you provide for your kids by going away at times? What is the opportunity for growth? How can you take advantage of it?
Happy Travelin’ in L.A.!
Jamee
And, check out this wonderful article by my friend the “Diva Style Coach” Dianne Daniels: Finding Your Confidence Despite Your Friends and Family
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